I test therefore I log bugs

I’m Elizabeth and I am the KnowledgeMill tester.

This is a role easily understood by those who know and appreciate what a tester does. Most people do not understand what a tester does and everyone else does not appreciate what a tester does.

My son J (aged 7) recently filled in a survey from school about the jobs his immediate family did, so he put down:

Uncle B: Makes iPods

Uncle H: Makes money

Uncle O: Is taking a break from work (I said he was an unemployed bum but in a rare fit of diplomacy, perhaps brought on my fear of his teacher, J refused to write this down)

Auntie A: Looks after children

Daddy: Network Engineer

Mummy: Checks web pages are there

This follows on from a conversation with my Mother last Christmas when I was home:  (Ok, this is a liberal translation and some segments have been enhanced for the purposes of entertainment but it is not too far from the truth)

I suspect that the same conversation takes places on an hourly basis between the IT-employed off-spring of parents with very little knowledge or interest in the dark arts of computer-ing.

Mother: So what do you actually do?

Daughter: I am a software tester

Mother: What does that mean? (Unsaid subtext, you have a degree in Classics – why the hell are you not using that to earn a crust?)

Daughter: It means that I find the faults in the software. Sometimes the faults are written into the software by the developer and sometimes they are the result of the environment the software is installed into …

Mother: Blank glazed look, barely stifles a yawn

Daughter: It’s like a fuse. Sometimes a used fuse is put back into a plug instead of the full one. That is a mistake that is integral to the fuse. Sometimes a 60amp fuse is put into a 40amp socket and this causes problem in the circuit. This is a problem with the environment the fuse is put into.

Mother: So you put fuses into computers?

Daughter: No I test the software that is installed on the computer. I make sure that works. (Unsaid subtext, oh God, I should have become a hairdresser, no-one ever asks if you put fuses into scissors as a living)

Mother: So what if the software doesn’t work?

Daughter: I take a deep breath and brace myself for battle. I find whiskey helps at this point.

Mother: Eh? (Yes I know this sounds like a sound a Scooby Doo character might make but it was the best I could come up with)

Daughter: Well not everyone wants to know that something they have written or paid loads of money for has faults. (Present company excluded of course)

Mother: So they pay you to find things that are wrong and then don’t like it when you tell them what is wrong? (Mum is starting to look like she needs a drink at this point)

Daughter … erm…. yes.

Mother: So how do you find the things that are wrong? (Unsaid subtext: please use words I can understand)

Daughter: I … I …I input, I erm…. I use the keyboard to tell the computer to do things and then check it has done them.

Mother: (In a very relieved voice) So you press buttons.

Daughter: (In a very relieved voice) Yes, I press buttons.

Cut to next scene of Mother and Daughter contentedly spreading horse-poo on prize winning roses to save them from the frost.